It’s June and I go home in three weeks. I have been living and teaching in a foreign country for just about two years. There have been many days where I have pondered this very moment. I miss my family and friends beyond words. I miss normalcy. I miss home. I just want to go home. Sigh….
Although I am grateful for this experience, my patience, flexibility and tolerance is reaching empty. When one exists is a foreign space that goes way beyond their comfort zone they become vulnerable. It’s been a very difficult few weeks because the anticipation of going home is so close…….yet…….so…….far……a.w.a.y!
I have enough knowledge to know that my EGO is taking over. As I Edge God Out (EGO) I feel even more lost. I have been doing my affirmations, and attempting to meditate. However, meditation has always been a challenge. I still catch myself thinking about not thinking. Lol. And then I’m thinking about not thinking about what to think about. It’s a mess! Thank goodness for YouTube! I’ve been doing better with guided meditations. Don’t mind me……..and my human ways.
I’ve been doing my best to manage my anxiety in healthy ways. I’m spending more time in the gym, learning from my spiritual teachers, writing, eating healthy foods, and embracing each present moment. However, I ain’t gonna lie…….sometimes a nice glass of wine takes the edge off! Ok maybe two glasses.
I know this to be true: There’s much to take away from this experience. However, the lessons may not be revealed right now. It may not make any sense, until I’ve walked away from the experience. And that’s okay. :8)
I must stay connected to my source because then all things are possible. My anxiety is real and I must sit with it……be with it…..allow myself to feel it…….surrender to it……and then let it go.
Dear EGO: I give you permission to get off this ride. You do not meet the height requirements. I (awareness) stand tall enough for the both of us. Your services are no longer needed. Oh….and do me a favor…..stay in your lane. This is myTRUHmyCLARITY!