Nine months ago on September 1, 2017 at 5:00pm my life changed. It literally folded in half within a split second and ever since that moment it’s never been the same between us. Unconditional love? What does that really mean and have I failed? I mean I literally tried everything in my power to grow, maintain and massage the trust that had been kicked out the damn door (literally). Sigh….. this whole situation has just been one big old TO DO and I’m so tired. I get relationships are work but any element of seamlessness is/was needed/wanted.
Today is the day he moves out. Today is the day I truly begin to heal GIVEN I follow his departure with healthy choices. Today is the day I get back to focusing all of my attention on me. Today is the day I halt all side eyes and just live in peace at home. Today is the day I can walk home and no longer hold my breathe wondering what’s going on… on the other side of the door. Today is the day I start dating myself, loving myself, cooking for myself, being with myself WITHOUT DISTRACTION. Today is not an ending, it’s a new beginning. It doesn’t have to be all sad and gloomy. Matter of fact….IT WON’T. Today is the day for change. Today is the day and I’m unapologetic for asking him to leave. I deserve better and that starts with SELF LOVE. I won’t put him in charge of my happiness. I stand strong like Wonder Woman :0) and will sail confidently into the unknown waters of the world. I surrender….! This is myTRUTHmyCLARITY and so it is.
I’m taking a big leap and going to share some intimate thoughts in my upcoming posts. It TRULY makes me very uncomfortable which is why I know it’s needed for growth. I’m doing this as a form of healing. Y’all, life! It sure is like a rollercoaster. One of a kind. A roller coaster with an endless track of twists, turns, hills, stops, varied speeds, and LOTS of bumps. Lots and lots of bumps. Did I mention that the coaster is also made out of wood? Yeah, so let’s not forget the constant repairs needed just to ensure it’s still functional. Y’all, life truly is like a roller coaster.
Where to even begin? Sigh, he cheated on me. What’s worse is that I walked in on both of them completely naked. There I said it. Nine months ago I thought time would heal the wound yet it still hurts. If I could just take that moment out of my memory bank. That moment altered my entire life. That moment change everything. That moment put the roller coaster out of operation for a while. That moment….sigh is a moment I’m determined to conquer. That moment will not conquer me. That moment is my badge of honor. That moment is just that….a moment.
My promise to myself is to live out loud no matter good or bad. This blog has always served as a form of healing. As I unpack my ‘dirty draws’ know that my intention is to heal. My intention is to forgive. And my intention is to move forward. I will no longer play victim. That moment was lurking on the shadows. It had to happen. It was inevitable. I am strong. I am beautiful. I am truly going to look back and be grateful for that moment. It’s time to open up, Good, bad or indifferent. I surrender to myTRUTHmyCLARITY.
Categories: Life Lesson
Tags: anger, cheating, courage, gay, healing, Life, love, purpose, sadness, strength, Wisdom