It’s Day 1 after the physical separation between my partner and I. Last night was tough. I mean I literally felt sick. I helped him move his stuff out and even went as far as bringing him to his new place. I don’t know if that was wise because I broke down in tears as I was about to leave. It’s interesting because the tears weren’t due to the actual separation. They were more about his well being. I just felt bad leaving him there. I mean this guy sacrificed a lot to appease my needs throughout our eight years. I kind of feel responsible for him being all the way out here in the Bay Area. It’s a hard pill to swallow which is why I spit that shit out!
I am NOT responsible for the poor decisions he made. I am not responsible for the infidelity. I am not responsible for why we are separating. Like I said to him, “I never wanted for this to happen.” I was pushed into a corner and forced to evaluate my own well being. I have enough self respect to know what I deserve when it comes to being loved. That pill that I tried to swallow can lay its ass on the ground. Matter of fact, I’ll just go ahead and crush the hell out of it. That grown man made grown decisions. And my story, my happiness, my well being will not rest upon a person who has yet to really discover and love himself. I stand tall, I stand proud, I stand courageous, I stand in my faith knowing…..that if I just keep swimming……Just keep swimming…..Just keep swimming…..Just keep smimming……true peace regarding this matter shall come. In the interim, this is myTRUTHmyCLARITY. And so it is!