Posts Tagged With: love

Be Kind to Yourself 

Side eye… hand on the hip…. mouth wide open…..twist of the neck….and lots of attitude! ……….wait for it…. speak MAMA RU!

Isn’t funny how our emotions work? One minute the world feels like it’s going to end and the next minute you feel compelled to serve Beyoncé realness. 


As I bring the microphone to my lips and open up my 👄, I take in a mouthful…. OF AIR! Y’all nasty. Lol. And allow my vocal chords to do the rest. Oh… ya’ll thought I was going to actually starting singing? You’ve got the wrong blog!

I’ve revealed more than I ususally do these past few posts and I must say it’s been liberating. The overwhelming support has reminded me to ensure I’m also being kind, loving and supportive to myself. So interesting how we forget to do such a simple thing. 

I’ve recently started going to a counselor. Yes! I know….it’s still hard for me to admit it but hell I’m going to a damn counselor….and I’m unapologetic. And even better it’s covered by my insiurance. Lol. Anyway…….usually at the end of every session I try to walk away with some mantra that I can put into practice throughout the week. And this week…. you guessed right.

BE KIND TO YOURSELF ANTHONY. 


I don’t know where this journey shall take me. I surrender chile! I mean literally, I have handed over the car keys and fastened my humble ass in the passenger seat of life. SOURCE take the wheel. My GPS is off… hell my cellphone is off. I clasp my hands together, throw my head out of the car window and look up to the sky. I simply close my eyes and say thank you. This is myTRUTHmyCLARITY and so it is friends. 

Categories: Life Lesson | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Fishbowl 


Hey fellow writers! I always wonder how many people actually read these posts? Then I wonder why I do I actually care? I mean my purpose for writing is for me to reflect on my truth my clarity. If my journey inspires others …. great! If not… eh… it is what it is. No shade…. wink. 

Sorry folks, today’s a funky kind of day. Heck I’m just tired and it’s myTRUTHmyCLARITY. Lol. I’ve found myself trying to keep busy in order to avoid the present matters at hand. Sigh…. I’m tired just thinking about it. I keep hearing ‘one day at a time’ but these days are wearing me out! Lol. It’s interesting because I feel this need to ‘keep swimming’ 🏊 but lately I’m feeling more compelled to simply float. I’m doing all this swimming and haven’t a clue which direction I should even be headed in. Round and round I go wondering why I’m chasing my tail. The other day it dawned on me to actually stop swimming and come up for some damn air. Like literally take my head up out of the water! Well damn! Didn’t realize I was actually swimming/exhibiting in a fishbowl of emotions which speaks to why I’ve been suffocating. 

I’m tired friends….and just feel this need to float calmly in the ripples of my emotions. As I lay on my back and look up out of the fishbowl I wonder what’s out there? How do I get myself out of this bowl of emotions. My desire to change goes beyond buying a filter and changing the water. I want more than this bowl…I want to be able to leap out of this bowl and float through the winds of possibility. I want to feel free of all the pain and sorrow. I lay here floating….. feeling to tired to swim. It’s so hard to just be still but know I must if ever I am to restore my fire 🔥 to persevere. I float freely……just being with self and having faith that one day I’ll be restored enough to take the leap of LIFE out of the bowl and into the unknown. This is myTRUTHmyCLARITY. And so it is….I FLOAT. :0)

Categories: Life Lesson | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Just Keep Swimming


It’s Day 1 after the physical separation between my partner and I. Last night was tough. I mean I literally felt sick. I helped him move his stuff out and even went as far as bringing him to his new place. I don’t know if that was wise because I broke down in tears as I was about to leave. It’s interesting because the tears weren’t due to the actual separation. They were more about his well being. I just felt bad leaving him there. I mean this guy sacrificed a lot to appease my needs throughout our eight years. I kind of feel responsible for him being all the way out here in the Bay Area. It’s a hard pill to swallow which is why I spit that shit out!


I am NOT responsible for the poor decisions he made. I am not responsible for the infidelity. I am not responsible for why we are separating. Like I said to him, “I never wanted for this to happen.” I was pushed into a corner and forced to evaluate my own well being. I have enough self respect to know what I deserve when it comes to being loved. That pill that I tried to swallow can lay its ass on the ground. Matter of fact, I’ll just go ahead and crush the hell out of it. That grown man made grown decisions. And my story, my happiness, my well being will not rest upon a person who has yet to really discover and love himself. I stand tall, I stand proud, I stand courageous, I stand in my faith knowing…..that if I just keep swimming……Just keep swimming…..Just keep swimming…..Just keep smimming……true peace regarding this matter shall come. In the interim, this is myTRUTHmyCLARITY. And so it is! 

Categories: Life Lesson | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 13 Comments

Today is MY Day


Nine months ago on September 1, 2017 at 5:00pm my life changed. It literally folded in half within a split second and ever since that moment it’s never been the same between us. Unconditional love? What does that really mean and have I failed? I mean I literally tried everything in my power to grow, maintain and massage the trust that had been kicked out the damn door (literally). Sigh….. this whole situation has just been one big old TO DO and I’m so tired. I get relationships are work but any element of seamlessness is/was needed/wanted.


Today is the day he moves out. Today is the day I truly begin to heal GIVEN I follow his departure with healthy choices. Today is the day I get back to focusing all of my attention on me. Today is the day I halt all side eyes and just live in peace at home. Today is the day I can walk home and no longer hold my breathe wondering what’s going on… on the other side of the door. Today is the day I start dating myself, loving myself, cooking for myself, being with myself WITHOUT DISTRACTION. Today is not an ending, it’s a new beginning. It doesn’t have to be all sad and gloomy. Matter of fact….IT WON’T. Today is the day for change. Today is the day and I’m unapologetic for asking him to leave. I deserve better and that starts with SELF LOVE. I won’t put him in charge of my happiness. I stand strong like Wonder Woman :0) and will sail confidently into the unknown waters of the world. I surrender….! This is myTRUTHmyCLARITY and so it is. 

Categories: Life Lesson | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Roller Coaster of LIFE 


I’m taking a big leap and going to share some intimate thoughts in my upcoming posts. It TRULY makes me very uncomfortable which is why I know it’s needed for growth. I’m doing this as a form of healing. Y’all, life! It sure is like a rollercoaster. One of a kind. A roller coaster with an endless track of twists, turns, hills, stops, varied speeds, and LOTS of bumps. Lots and lots of bumps. Did I mention that the coaster is also made out of wood? Yeah, so let’s not forget the constant repairs needed just to ensure it’s still functional. Y’all, life truly is like a roller coaster. 
Where to even begin? Sigh, he cheated on me. What’s worse is that I walked in on both of them completely naked. There I said it. Nine months ago I thought time would heal the wound yet it still hurts. If I could just take that moment out of my memory bank. That moment altered my entire life. That moment change everything. That moment put the roller coaster out of operation for a while. That moment….sigh is a moment I’m determined to conquer. That moment will not conquer me. That moment is my badge of honor. That moment is just that….a moment. 

My promise to myself is to live out loud no matter good or bad. This blog has always served as a form of healing. As I unpack my ‘dirty draws’ know that my intention is to heal. My intention is to forgive. And my intention is to move forward. I will no longer play victim. That moment was lurking on the shadows. It had to happen. It was inevitable. I am strong. I am beautiful. I am truly going to look back and be grateful for that moment. It’s time to open up,  Good, bad or indifferent. I surrender to myTRUTHmyCLARITY.

Categories: Life Lesson | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

I Quit! 

Yes, I quit my job four days ago and I am unapologetic. I surrender to the totality of possibilities and affirm that all is well. I know my value. I know my worth. I deserve better and walk confidently into the direction of the unknown. What awaits? I have no clue at all but trust that my Source will guide me into a purposeful cause. The totality of possibilities await and I am going to be okay. I will not allow myself to exist in a space that doesn’t ‘fill my bucket.’

This is one thing I now know to be my truth, my clarity. I quit! And so it is. :0)

Categories: Life Lesson | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

The Power of YES

I recently moved from NYC to the Bay Area and figured it’s time to start writing again.  As I get older, it’s getting harder to remember the small details of life’s adventure. Therefore, I must write it down and quite frankly this also serves as my ‘church time.’


I’m currently working in The East Bay (San Fransisco) with a larger charter school network as a school leader. It’s been about two months since my move and thus far I can’t complain. My job is demanding which explains why I lack the energy and motivation to write. Therefore, I’ve officially given myself permission to just write small. Even if it’s just as simple as a paragraph, write anything. And if the sprit moves me to write more, then so be it! 

My cousin is here visiting from Rhode Island with his girlfriend and I hung out with them on yesterday. We all went to a few wineries in Sonoma County. It was definitely beautiful out there and lots of wine to taste. I wasn’t a fan of the red wines but liked a few of the white wines. We also had a cute little picnic at one of the wineries and the food was delicious. It was hard for me to truly immerse myself in the experience because I was the damn driver so all I could truly do was coat my tongue and sip on a bit of wine here and there. Lord knows I wanted to swim in that shit and luxuriate out on the lawn of the different wineries like everybody else. Did I mention that I didn’t enjoy any of the Reds. Bleh! Lol. 

The day also served as a mini reunion. So basically my cousin is in a relationship with someone I went to high school with. Now during high school, she and I rarely spoke. Go figure right? So she is friends with a number of young ladies that also went to high school with us that I rarely spoke to. As you can imagine, it makes for an interesting experience given the mere fact that I thought I’d never see these people again after graduating from high school and now here we are….. in a cabin, drinking, and playing cards against humanity. I mean, need I say more. But it was a pleasant exeorience and lovely to see everyone all grown up and celebrating life. 


I’m writing this post because I have truly been operating outside of my comfort zone since I arrived in the bay area. But even in saying that I am faced to determine what is my comfort zone. Sadly, it’s being alone and away from people. I know! That’s so bad. Why does it feel easier to engage with few rather than many? I used to be very sociable, and now here I am preparing myself mentally each time I’m about to engage with people. I don’t know where his anti social behavior in coming from but it’s real my friends. Needless to say, I’m determined to keep saying YES and hopefully I will break out of this new habit of wanting to always be with myself. It’s just not very healthy and I think part of the reason I’m adopting this mindset is because I live in the suburb and my partner has been away for an extending period of time. 


Anyway, I’m rambling. Oh wait… This is my blog…. I can do that lol. 

This is my truth folks….! 

Categories: Life Lesson | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

All Good Things…….

  
Must come to an end? Hell no! Man oh man my time is just about up in Costa Rica. I’m here at Gold’s Gym working off the abundance of rice, beans and plantains. Its become a regular part of my everyday diet since my arrival. 

I’m leaving this beautiful country in a few hours and felt the need to take one final walk. I happened to bump into the gym and took it as a sign. Lol. This moment is magical because I’ve got my tunes, a cool breeze and my favorite elliptical machine. I’m good. It’s the small things mi amigos! 

Day 4 was filled with lots to see and talk about. The problem is I don’t feel like typing it up in an eloquent fashion. Needless to say, I’ll list my most precious memories below.

– Took a bus tour to see Irazu Volcano 

– 13 passengers on the tour / No comment other than I didn’t come here to be surrounded by fellow Americans

– Met a couple from California (Bay Area) which was exciting because I’m planning to move there in a few months 

– My inappropriate attire (gym shorts and a t-shirt sigh…. Let’s just say it was a bit chilly atop the volcano. I wasn’t thinking lol)

– Fog and lots of it 

– Walking along the volcano crater but unable to see it due to the fog

– Rainy day but oddly it added to the beauty of the farms and botanical garden 

– The Costa Rican meal was delicious

– The actual bus ride through the town of Cartago 

– Visiting a Catholic Church 

– Visiting the ‘Ruins’

– Dinner with Keitsa 

– Hotel Kekoldi 

– Shopping at the supermarket 

As this vacation comes to an end, I challenge myself to find joy in the daily routine of life. Don’t slip back into the coma of habitual behavior. Actually, find a way to deter from the routine as often as possible. Be present and most importantly live daringly! 

Categories: Daily Wisdom, Life Lesson | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

SOURCE is REAL

  
How can SOURCE not be real? There’s definitely something out there that is greater than you and me put together. :0)
“Costa Rica February 17, 2016”

Categories: Daily Wisdom, Life Lesson | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

MY LEGACY 

  
As I walk CONFIDENTLY into the direction of the unknown, I embody a KNOWING that everything is going to be just fine. I am GUIDED by my SOURCE to SERVE and GROW on and with PURPOSE. 

My LEGACY is one that speaks to living your BEST life while also exercising your PASSION through SERVICE. LIVE beyond your COMFORT ZONE and be OPEN to receiving the many OPPORTUNITIES that move into your life. MOVE with LIFE because it truly is a DANCE. Allow it to GUIDE you and remember to SMILE along the way. I am YOU. You are ME. We are ONE. One with SOURCE. 

  
This is my TRUTH my CLARITY my LEGACY :0)

Categories: Daily Wisdom, Life Lesson, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

Blog at WordPress.com.