What is this feeling of uncertainty that continues to come and go. I find myself contemplating my future knowing that my life is already mapped out for me. All I need to do is simply enjoy the ride. Yet, I still ponder the future.
Lately, I’ve been trying to decide whether or not I want to continue my journey overseas. The alternative is to go back to the states. There are a number of reasons I want to stay overseas and many reasons why I’d like to go home. However, I want to focus my attention on the bigger influences.
Remaining overseas continues to be an option because I recognize I’m doing something most people only dream about. They fear taking that first step and ultimately miss out on their opportunity. I’ve taken that first step and overcame the fear by turning it into curiosity. I’m here now and life is pretty simple without the hassle of bills and quite exciting now that I have the resources to travel the world……literally. I’m able to save a little money and I’m continuously being exposed to something new which makes me feel so alive. Additionally, I’m doing what I love and impacting the global community. I’m so grateful and truly humbled by this entire experience.
Returning home brings about a comfort, safety and peace of mind because there’s a familiarity that exists. Additionally, I’d be surrounded by my closest friends and family. The distance is the biggest challenge I face since I’ve moved overseas. There’s an “alone ness” that shows face at the most random moments. However, I’ve also recognized how much I needed this time WITH myself….it truly has brought me closer to my SOURCE. Going home feels easy, predictable, safe and quite honestly it lacks any real genuine excitement. Don’t get me wrong….reconnecting with the people I love most will clearly be worth it but I wonder where my head will be after the reunions. Will those old feelings I felt prior to moving overseas return after a few months? Will I fall back into debt? Will I feel like I cut my overseas experience to short? Sigh……….and this is a perfect example of…..MIND CHATTER!
I read somewhere that when you don’t know what to do…..just be STILL and LISTEN. It’s interesting because I’ve ALWAYS taken the road less traveled. Hell, I’m infamous for going off the path and creating my own lane. It’s always been the reaction of friends and family that let me know that I’m aligned with my PURPOSE. So when people don’t understand my choices, or question the why, or wrinkle their forehead out of curiosity and confusion……THAT’S when I know I’m aligned with doing what feels right. Because what feels right to me has always been difficult for many people to understand.
I know exactly what I want to do….but I continuously am battling with my EGO. It’s telling me to go home, settle down, work on my retirement, develop a routine, and save money for a rainy day. Be close to family and friends and acquire success by moving up the ladder of hierarchy that has been instituted across the spectrum of all fields. Why? Because EGOs recognize happiness as being connected to what you HAVE, what you DO, and how you LOOK (ECT….)……in COMPARISON to the people around you.
I love my country despise the systems of norms that are in place but if one deviates from these systems they simply will get ‘left behind’. Often referred to as the rat race…..working extra hard just to keep your head above the water. The rich getting richer and the poor getting poorer. Paying taxes, expensive healthcare, debts, bills, and the constant reminder of what you don’t have. It’s a lifestyle I have no desire of returning to right now.
Then why do I battle with the decision of returning home or staying overseas? Well…like I said I will focus on the big influences. When you have nobody to share your greatest moments with, living overseas can be a very LONELY life. I’m thankful for each and every moment I’ve experienced overseas but when I look to my left and then my right and no one is there…(that I love)…it can be a very difficult moment to truly embrace.
However, I’m killing my curiosity and living out my dreams. I could leave this earth tomorrow and truly rest in PEACE because I am so grateful. I truly believe we are put on this earth to evolve and serve. I continuously ask myself…..how can you be better than you were on yesterday? And are you passionate about the service you are doing right NOW? And my answer is YES!……
Love and happiness come as a result of you doing what you were put on earth to do. And I think it’s important to recognize that love and happiness comes in many forms. A person just needs to be open to receiving it……..so SELF do yourself a favor and continue to just let life lead this dance. Follow your heart fearlessly because ultimately you know you are going to be okay. You were put on this earth to do a service. More importantly upon your departure your legacy will live on. Your legacy will continue to be one that speaks to people changing their fears into curiosity and living out their greatest dreams.
Consider these thoughts organized….now LET…..THEM…..GO!