Posts Tagged With: Self love

Think BIGGER


Dear Self,

I get that your desire is to locate a second job for supplemental income. However, I need for you to think BIGGER. Maybe you’re not able to find the job you seek because it has yet to be created. Use this time to tap into your passion inorder to create a purposeful yet lucrative second income for yourself. Think bigger! Be bolder! And do NOT let money cloud your judgment. If you settle for less than you deserve, you’ll get even less than what you settled for. Hard was never easy and easy will never be hard. Hiya! So exercise your creative juices and believe that this to shall come. And so it freakin is! This is myTRUTHmyCLARITY. 

From,

Self 

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Life Goals (BIG & small)

  • Travel and serve in Africa 
  • Fall in love ❤️ 
  • Become a Teacher 👨‍🏫 
  • Become an Assistant Principal 
  • Start my own school (Principal)
  • Live in New York 
  • Live in Atlanta 
  • INSPIRE youth in underserved communities 
  • Maintain a healthy gym routine 
  • Make friends around the world 
  • Become a Father 
  • Be PRESENT 
  • Continuously operate beyond my comfort zone 
  • Appreciate my family 
  • Make six figures times ten. Networth of over 10 million. I’ll take more more! 
  • Stay true to my passion and purpose 
  • Keep moving 
  • Turn off the television 
  • Keep up with my cycling 
  • Discover relief for my feet 
  • Be my own boss 
  • Start my own business 
  • Write a book 
  • Become a motivation speaker 
  • Train teachers 
  • PHD in something 
  • Be open to love again 
  • Not become a statistic within the black gay community 
  • Leave a legacy behind that rings in the ears of many 
  • No drinking at home alone 
  • Read 12 books a year minimum 
  • Walk, skip, jump to the beat of my own dream and do it unapologetically 
  • Own a fun car: something with a drop top!
  • Moped or motorcycle on the side
  • Establish a savings account that affords me financial freedom. 500,000 plus! Times 10!
  • But my mother a house of her own
  • Create careers for others 
  • Explore and participate in New and different things
  • Attend a motivational conference 
  • Travel to all seven continents 
  • Wake up and say THANK YOU
  • Just keep swimming 
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Fishbowl 


Hey fellow writers! I always wonder how many people actually read these posts? Then I wonder why I do I actually care? I mean my purpose for writing is for me to reflect on my truth my clarity. If my journey inspires others …. great! If not… eh… it is what it is. No shade…. wink. 

Sorry folks, today’s a funky kind of day. Heck I’m just tired and it’s myTRUTHmyCLARITY. Lol. I’ve found myself trying to keep busy in order to avoid the present matters at hand. Sigh…. I’m tired just thinking about it. I keep hearing ‘one day at a time’ but these days are wearing me out! Lol. It’s interesting because I feel this need to ‘keep swimming’ 🏊 but lately I’m feeling more compelled to simply float. I’m doing all this swimming and haven’t a clue which direction I should even be headed in. Round and round I go wondering why I’m chasing my tail. The other day it dawned on me to actually stop swimming and come up for some damn air. Like literally take my head up out of the water! Well damn! Didn’t realize I was actually swimming/exhibiting in a fishbowl of emotions which speaks to why I’ve been suffocating. 

I’m tired friends….and just feel this need to float calmly in the ripples of my emotions. As I lay on my back and look up out of the fishbowl I wonder what’s out there? How do I get myself out of this bowl of emotions. My desire to change goes beyond buying a filter and changing the water. I want more than this bowl…I want to be able to leap out of this bowl and float through the winds of possibility. I want to feel free of all the pain and sorrow. I lay here floating….. feeling to tired to swim. It’s so hard to just be still but know I must if ever I am to restore my fire 🔥 to persevere. I float freely……just being with self and having faith that one day I’ll be restored enough to take the leap of LIFE out of the bowl and into the unknown. This is myTRUTHmyCLARITY. And so it is….I FLOAT. :0)

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Sneaky EGO

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I often wonder how I can maintain peace of mind on a regular basis. I mean for the most part, while I am studying and/or doing the ‘work’ I am at peace. But I must admit that I have my moments where LIFE happens without notice.
In this current moment, I am not at peace. I recognize that my feelings are my thoughts in motion. I get that! But the reality is I feel… what I feel. And the thoughts that are running around in my head consist of the following; I want to go home. I miss my family. I miss my friends. I feel so alone. I’m sick of being in this hot ass desert. I’m very bored with living in this remote region.

Now because I know that these thoughts are negative, they speak to why I feel what I feel. As I think, so shall I be. But you know……I have come to accept that these feelings are valid because of what I am going through right now. Living Overseas is not easy. The highs are really high….and lows can be really low. On top of that, the anticipation of heading home in three weeks is unbearable.

However, when I am in a funk I recognize that I am not aligned with my SOURCE. And what’s interesting is how easily I fall out of alignment without even knowing. It usually comes to light when I start feeling like crap and my first thought is how the heck did I let my mind get into this negative space.

I love the quote I posted above by Lao Tzu because it reminds me to be grateful for what IS. It reminds me to be present because it’s the only moment I’m ever going to have. This moment right now! That is all. Furthermore, I actually okay right now in this moment. This justifies the idea that there really is nothing lacking right now and I need to accept that as my truth and my clarity. Sooooo….I tell myself to STOP IT! Stop entertaining the negative thoughts. ;o)

Wayne Dyer often says, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” I believe this to be true but I must also acknowledge my human ways….well EGO driven habits. I am a spiritual being trying to master these human thoughts and it is no easy task my friends. However, through gratitude….I shall overcome this funky moment!

-I am thankful for having a home and a job to go back to in the USA.
-I am thankful for the unconditional love and support I receive from my friends and family.
-I am thankful for this time I have to spend WITH myself. It has allowed me to fine tune my relationship with the ONE ABOVE.
-I am thankful for this remote experience in the hot desert because it affords me the opportunity to explore new interest/hobbies.

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Thirty years of curiosity…..

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Thirty years of curiosity

One day a teenage boy decides to take a walk along Third Street in a small town known as Newport, RI…..why? Well…..he was feeling lost and confused.

He feels very alone and struggles with fitting into a social group and has no strong sense of self-identity. He ponders many thoughts including: “Who am I? Why am I here? Why don’t I fit in? What’s next? Why don’t I like myself? Why am I so different?” He becomes overwhelmed by negative thoughts….. that target everything he perceives to be wrong in his life.

He distracts his mind by immersing himself into his academic studies and extracurricular activities. He recognizes that the love he receives from his mother, family and friends help saturate the internal struggle that festers deep beneath the smile that is painted onto his face. He feels lost. He feels confined. He feels like a big city boy craving to break free of the small town mentality. He begins to surround himself with other unique individuals who just don’t quite fit into the social normalcies that are spoon fed into our mouths by the world. He draws from each of their unique qualities and begins to celebrate his own differences. He finds the courage to begin walking the unconventional path to which many would and still do not understand. He begins to learn how to stand WITH and FOR himself. He works on proceeding confidently through life with a sound faith system that will continue (30 years later) to serve as his internal GPS system.

Throughout his youth……..he has wanted to sing……shout and scream until the words cried out. However, he never knew how to articulate his struggle. You see when your mind is filled with so much chatter…..EVERYTHING is wrong? He couldn’t name it…let alone ask someone for support. All he could do was BE with his emotions and work through them. And that is EXACTLY what he did!

What made this possible is the unconditional love and support he had received from his mom, family and friends. They are a reflection of him….as He is of them. To this day…without any of them…..he doesn’t know where he would be.

I am that teenager and 31 years later I am finally able to articulate the war that was raging within me. If I could go back in time and have a conversation with that 15-year-old boy….I would drive up to him on Third Street in my current Chevy, Cruz. I would point to the Dubai plates…… just so he could affirm his curiosity and witness the fruits of his hard labor to come…………and I’d say these words:

“Start loving yourself……until then you will remain stagnant…….life is waiting for you!”

I would drive off, make a U-Turn and as I slowly pass by my 15-year-old self for a second time….I’d scream out the window:

“You are special Anthony………Continue to be curious and start believing in yourself my friend. I love you…now start loving yourself!”

As the Chevy would drive away…..that 15 year old teenager would pull his shoulders back, raise his chin up and wrap his arms around himself. He would stare off into the sky…..and for the first time see beyond the clouds….. thinking to himself…Dubai? Where the heck is that?…..Wow!….. :0). He runs home…..(flat feet and all) grabs a sheet of paper and draws a big cloud.

He cuts out the cloud and with a marker writes the following phrase: THE SKY IS NOT THE LIMIT….DREAM BIG and LOVE YOURSELF!

He’d tape the cloud onto his mirror and for a split second he catches a glimpse of his 30-year-old face looking back at him in the mirror mouthing “I love you.” For the first time he begins to see things CLEARLY….The internal battle of love would finally cease!

 

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If there’s one lesson I have learned in thirty years…it is taking the time to really love yourself. And I’m not talking about your physical self and how good you look in them jeans! Lol. I’m talking about internal and unconditional love of your spirit self.

SELF………I love you and your unique qualities are what make you so special. Continue to inspire and continue to live on purpose! Happy early birthday. ;0)

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Trust Yourself

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I can’t believe it happened. I’m driving home from work on the long stretch of highway that connects the town I work in. It has always been my worst nightmare because there’s nothing on the long stretch of road other than sand and lots of it! So GOD forbid there’s an emergency and you need help, it would take forever for someone to locate you.

So I’m driving along and typically there are gusts of wind that bounce my Hyundai Accent around but this time it felt a little different. I was doing about 75 miles per hour and I couldn’t seem to get control of my car. It was swerving left to right, right to left and it just didn’t feel right. Then it hit me, something’s wrong. I pullover and check the tires. Ugh! The back tire was flat. Now, thankfully all of the teachers that work in the same town take the exact same route home. However, I’m usually the first one out the school building so I knew it’d be a while before I saw any teachers zoom by in their cars.

I get out the car and asses the tire. I then open the trunk and assess the tools. Sigh! I’ve never done this before, mind you under the hot desert sun! I get the crane thingy thing that lifts the car thingy thing. Lol. I place it under the car and look for the stick thingy thing that you turn so that the crane thing will lift the car up. As I begin to twist the stick thing, the car begins to lift. Success! Now I look for the thing that takes the screws or lugs or things off the tire. As I search for it, I notice the crack of my ass is beginning to sweat through my khaki pants. Sigh! I get dirt all over my clothes and accept the fact that I’m not getting out of this clean. Cars are zooming by and wait….? Yeap there goes a teacher. He didn’t stop! Shade! I find the lug wrench thing and try to loosen the lugs or whatever they are called but the tire spins every time I try to turn them. It hits me! Ugh! You’re supposed to do this before lifting the car. Clearly the weight of the car would keep the tire from spinning as I loosen the screws, or lugs, or whatever they are called. I lower the car and as its being lowered, I realized my white polo is soaked in sweat. I got sand in my left contact and I’m simply just over all of it!

The car is finally on the ground; I loosen the things and then prepare to lift the car again. Thirty minutes have passed along with two other teachers. Shaaaade! I pull the tire off of the car and in doing so I trip over my flip fop and fall into the dirt. Lol. I retrieve the new tire, feeling somewhat successful and begin to put it in place. Once it’s positioned I debate on whether or not I should lower the car before trying to tighten the screws. I ponder….I sip my water and yeap there goes another car full of teachers! Shhhaaaaaadddeee! I keep the car lifted and begin tightening the screws but then the car wobbles a bit on top of the crane thingy…oh lord…lol. I continue tightening slowly using all my strength to make sure they are secure. I lower the car, say a prayer and hope the wheel will not fall of when I drive away.

As I put the old tire in the trunk, I noticed this huge hole. Clearly a nail had punctured the tire. However, I felt victorious as I attempted to find the lesson in all of this mess. I then realized that you tend to discover your greatest strengths when you are put into an uncomfortable situation and you only have yourself to count on. Even when you think you may need help, give yourself the opportunity to be successful on your own. You are your best cheerleader! Remember that! Woop woop! This is my TRUTH my CLARITY!

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SELF LOVE

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Dear SELF,

As you continue to embark on this journey (living and teaching overseas), there are some things I’d like for you to be mindful of:

1) Do not forget where you are. It is important that you experience the culture but keep in mind you are NOT in America. What may seem like common sense to you, is possibly a foreign concept to the people of this country. They simply may not know any better. Therefore, pick and choose your battles. Your life experiences differ greatly from theirs and that is okay.

2) Maintain your work ethic. I know you recognize that you may work harder and exhibit more passion than your colleagues. However, understand that you have been called to serve in this capacity for a reason. Your purpose may not be to change the norms of your current work environment or the culture. Your purpose may be to make an impression on just one student, maybe more. Either way, you must continue to lead by example. Continue to exhibit passion and focus on the job at hand. The rest will fall into place. Do the work, leave your mark and do not invest in the results…..invest in the process. Change takes time and this may be something you will not get to see while performing your service in this present moment.

3) Continue to take care of your physical, emotional and spiritual self. As you move through life maintain a healthy balance. Hit up the gym, keep reflecting (writing), and seeking joy throughout this experience. Do whatever it takes to stay connected to your source. It will ensure peace of mind. It will also afford a level of trust that will guide you confidently in the direction you need to go. Remember, approach every situation asking, ” How may I serve?”. Keep that ego in check! You are a spiritual being housed inside of a physical body. It ain’t about you anymore and this selfless mindset will ensure abundant happiness manifests in all areas of your life.
4) Stay connected to the ones you love. These relationships play a big role in keeping your flame lit. And if/when that flame begins to dwindle pick up the phone and reconnect with a loved one. Every so often you may need a gentle reminder that you are not alone in this foreign country.

5) This international teaching experience is a stepping stone to where you ultimately are supposed to be. You may not know where it is leading you and that is okay. Trust and believe that there is something bigger than yourself going on in this world. Your role is one layer of the beautiful canvas that is being created by all members on this planet we call earth. REMEMBER THIS…your still alive! Therefore, your ultimate purpose has yet to be fulfilled. When its time to leave your physical body (hopefully no time soon) you can rest easy and know that you have completed your service here on earth.

6) Let go and surrender! You’re so used to taking control and planning everything out. Get out of the driver’s seat (of life) and find joy in being the passenger. Recognize when your ego is simply trying to affirm its place in society. You are NOT what you have and/or what you achieve. Those are all attributes of the physical world and you will only desire more, more and more of something that will not bring peace of mind and happiness. Just be in the moment, it is all you really have. You came into this world with nothing, you will leave this world with nothing. Therefore, is it really necessary to acquire those physical incentives that ultimately mean nothing when your time here on earth comes to an end? Sit back and simply enjoy the ride and serve with passion. All is and will continue to be well as long as you allow it to be.

7) Be thankful! The moment you express gratitude, is when all that IS becomes enough. And this is when you will truly embody spirit and be open to receive the many blessings life has to offer.

Sincerely,

The awareness that lies within YOU.

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