Posts Tagged With: Surrender

Think BIGGER


Dear Self,

I get that your desire is to locate a second job for supplemental income. However, I need for you to think BIGGER. Maybe you’re not able to find the job you seek because it has yet to be created. Use this time to tap into your passion inorder to create a purposeful yet lucrative second income for yourself. Think bigger! Be bolder! And do NOT let money cloud your judgment. If you settle for less than you deserve, you’ll get even less than what you settled for. Hard was never easy and easy will never be hard. Hiya! So exercise your creative juices and believe that this to shall come. And so it freakin is! This is myTRUTHmyCLARITY. 

From,

Self 

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Be Kind to Yourself 

Side eye… hand on the hip…. mouth wide open…..twist of the neck….and lots of attitude! ……….wait for it…. speak MAMA RU!

Isn’t funny how our emotions work? One minute the world feels like it’s going to end and the next minute you feel compelled to serve Beyoncé realness. 


As I bring the microphone to my lips and open up my 👄, I take in a mouthful…. OF AIR! Y’all nasty. Lol. And allow my vocal chords to do the rest. Oh… ya’ll thought I was going to actually starting singing? You’ve got the wrong blog!

I’ve revealed more than I ususally do these past few posts and I must say it’s been liberating. The overwhelming support has reminded me to ensure I’m also being kind, loving and supportive to myself. So interesting how we forget to do such a simple thing. 

I’ve recently started going to a counselor. Yes! I know….it’s still hard for me to admit it but hell I’m going to a damn counselor….and I’m unapologetic. And even better it’s covered by my insiurance. Lol. Anyway…….usually at the end of every session I try to walk away with some mantra that I can put into practice throughout the week. And this week…. you guessed right.

BE KIND TO YOURSELF ANTHONY. 


I don’t know where this journey shall take me. I surrender chile! I mean literally, I have handed over the car keys and fastened my humble ass in the passenger seat of life. SOURCE take the wheel. My GPS is off… hell my cellphone is off. I clasp my hands together, throw my head out of the car window and look up to the sky. I simply close my eyes and say thank you. This is myTRUTHmyCLARITY and so it is friends. 

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Fishbowl 


Hey fellow writers! I always wonder how many people actually read these posts? Then I wonder why I do I actually care? I mean my purpose for writing is for me to reflect on my truth my clarity. If my journey inspires others …. great! If not… eh… it is what it is. No shade…. wink. 

Sorry folks, today’s a funky kind of day. Heck I’m just tired and it’s myTRUTHmyCLARITY. Lol. I’ve found myself trying to keep busy in order to avoid the present matters at hand. Sigh…. I’m tired just thinking about it. I keep hearing ‘one day at a time’ but these days are wearing me out! Lol. It’s interesting because I feel this need to ‘keep swimming’ 🏊 but lately I’m feeling more compelled to simply float. I’m doing all this swimming and haven’t a clue which direction I should even be headed in. Round and round I go wondering why I’m chasing my tail. The other day it dawned on me to actually stop swimming and come up for some damn air. Like literally take my head up out of the water! Well damn! Didn’t realize I was actually swimming/exhibiting in a fishbowl of emotions which speaks to why I’ve been suffocating. 

I’m tired friends….and just feel this need to float calmly in the ripples of my emotions. As I lay on my back and look up out of the fishbowl I wonder what’s out there? How do I get myself out of this bowl of emotions. My desire to change goes beyond buying a filter and changing the water. I want more than this bowl…I want to be able to leap out of this bowl and float through the winds of possibility. I want to feel free of all the pain and sorrow. I lay here floating….. feeling to tired to swim. It’s so hard to just be still but know I must if ever I am to restore my fire 🔥 to persevere. I float freely……just being with self and having faith that one day I’ll be restored enough to take the leap of LIFE out of the bowl and into the unknown. This is myTRUTHmyCLARITY. And so it is….I FLOAT. :0)

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I Quit! 

Yes, I quit my job four days ago and I am unapologetic. I surrender to the totality of possibilities and affirm that all is well. I know my value. I know my worth. I deserve better and walk confidently into the direction of the unknown. What awaits? I have no clue at all but trust that my Source will guide me into a purposeful cause. The totality of possibilities await and I am going to be okay. I will not allow myself to exist in a space that doesn’t ‘fill my bucket.’

This is one thing I now know to be my truth, my clarity. I quit! And so it is. :0)

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STOP fighting!

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STOP fighting…..!

(Written by….my EGO)

As I await my departure back to the USA, I am currently residing in a five-star hotel that my company is paying for. Upon checking in, I was told my reservation was for 14 nights. Now, any other time I’d be thrilled to luxuriate in hotel amenities at the expense of someone else. But as I have said before, I’ve been living and teaching is this foreign country for two years…….I JUST WANT TO GO HOME!

I’m sure you’re wondering what the hold up may be? Your guess is as good as mine. I honestly do not know what is taking so long to cancel my visa and for them to pay me my money. The kids have been out of school for about two weeks and Ramadan is approaching in one day.

I feel like I’m being held here against my will. I made a request to resign in May and it was denied. Denied? I know……right?! Why the early resignation? Well, to be honest I’ve accomplished all of my goals. I’ve always heard horror stories about the exit process, so I wanted to leave on my terms. Needless to say, that didn’t happen.

So here I am…….restless……sitting in a hotel for an indefinite amount of time. I feel so ungrateful writing that last sentence (soul speaking) but my negative emotions are real (ego speaking). I attribute my restlessness to the fact that I start my new job August 1. I also have my new apartment waiting to be moved into by ME. Lastly, I need time with family and friends. I need time to receive the love (in close proximity) before I’m required to step back into the routines of life.

However, it looks like that isn’t going to happen. So here I am attempting to rid myself of this restlessness which is causing me great anxiety. A good friend of mine suggested I stop fighting it. Lol. Damn….he is so right. I haven’t been in control since the moment I arrived here in the Middle East. Hmmmm….?? I guess I’m being challenged ONCE AGAIN to walk my talk.

Wayne Dyer often says, “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

(Written by…….my SOUL)

This is where I must exercise HUMILITY.

Okay….yes I’ve been living in this foreign space for two years and upon my arrival back to the USA …I anticipate some challenges with adjusting into western ways. Therefore, time is needed for me to be still, center myself and slowly unravel from this experience. Because……once I’m home….it’s business as usual.

This journey in the Middle East has been an emotional one. The highs have been really high….and the lows have been pretty low. But there’s been a balance which has afforded me an experience of a lifetime. As anxious as I am to go home, there are elements of this experience I will genuinely miss. Therefore, I really need to take the time to immerse myself in these final moments as much as I can.

When’s the next time you will have 14 nights paid for at a five-star hotel by someone else? Exactly! If you don’t shut your ungrateful behind up (EGO) and listen to the whispers. Your SOURCE is giving you the time you need to ensure you’re truly ready to head back into the hustle and bustle of NYC. You’ve lived a pretty simple and quiet life these past two years. Here’s the challenge: How can you bring this peace with you into the next chapter of your life?

Lastly, you’ve managed to make the most out of the past two years. You took an undesirable situation and flipped it! Don’t let these final moments overshadow an experience that has made you an even better man. If anything…..let these final moments be a time of reflection and gratitude. Now…..it’s time to flip your negative thoughts!

Damn it EGO! Get over yourself. Look at what we’ve accomplished….I mean really make an observation. We did it! We completed our commitment and accomplished all that we set out to do. There’s so much to celebrate!

I give you (EGO) permission to chill out dude. Like seriously…..relax and just be in these final moments.

I give you (EGO) permission to stop fighting.

Stop fighting!

Stop…..fighting……!

Stop…..!

……..fighting!

Now……relax…..surrender….breathe……be still.

Infinite patience produces immediate results. ;8)

Consider these crazy thoughts organized! Lol.

This is myTRUTHmyCLARITY

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Food for THOUGHT

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****this is myTRUTHmyCLARITY****

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Surrender!

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Overcoming Anxiety

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It’s June and I go home in three weeks. I have been living and teaching in a foreign country for just about two years. There have been many days where I have pondered this very moment. I miss my family and friends beyond words. I miss normalcy. I miss home. I just want to go home. Sigh….

Although I am grateful for this experience, my patience, flexibility and tolerance is reaching empty. When one exists is a foreign space that goes way beyond their comfort zone they become vulnerable. It’s been a very difficult few weeks because the anticipation of going home is so close…….yet…….so…….far……a.w.a.y!

I have enough knowledge to know that my EGO is taking over. As I Edge God Out (EGO) I feel even more lost. I have been doing my affirmations, and attempting to meditate. However, meditation has always been a challenge. I still catch myself thinking about not thinking. Lol. And then I’m thinking about not thinking about what to think about. It’s a mess! Thank goodness for YouTube! I’ve been doing better with guided meditations. Don’t mind me……..and my human ways.

I’ve been doing my best to manage my anxiety in healthy ways. I’m spending more time in the gym, learning from my spiritual teachers, writing, eating healthy foods, and embracing each present moment. However, I ain’t gonna lie…….sometimes a nice glass of wine takes the edge off! Ok maybe two glasses.

I know this to be true: There’s much to take away from this experience. However, the lessons may not be revealed right now. It may not make any sense, until I’ve walked away from the experience. And that’s okay. :8)

I must stay connected to my source because then all things are possible. My anxiety is real and I must sit with it……be with it…..allow myself to feel it…….surrender to it……and then let it go.

Dear EGO: I give you permission to get off this ride. You do not meet the height requirements. I (awareness) stand tall enough for the both of us. Your services are no longer needed. Oh….and do me a favor…..stay in your lane. This is myTRUHmyCLARITY!

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