What does this word truly mean? Well, I’m living it because I have NO choice. Although at times I feel uncomfortable beyond measure, I recognize that it’s just me EGO attempting to take control of the situation.
The situation? Well, I’m currently living and teaching overseas in the Middle East and my two-year contract is coming to a close. The school year is over, my accommodation has been emptied, and I’m waiting around in a hotel for my money! Lol.
It’s interesting because I have been eagerly waiting for this moment for about the last six months. However, these final days, and weeks have felt longer than the past six months. I’m currently going through the EXIT process. This consists of my company canceling my visa and paying a brotha the money he’s worked for.
Sounds easy enough right? Well, anybody who has lived in the middle eastern part of the world already knows how complex the simplest tasks are made out to be. I’d go into detail but that would mean I’d have to relive the last grueling four weeks of my life and my current emotional state is fragile. Lol.
Which brings me back to surrendering. So I’ve done all that I need to do and at this point I’m just waiting…..and waiting…and more waiting….and waiting. It has literally been torture on every level because I’m so ready to go home. I have a job waiting for me, a new apartment that needs to be moved into, and family/friends I need to receive love from. I need a hug so bad. I need my normal back. I need an emotional vacation. I need my mamas cooking. I need a good shoulder to cry on. Lol.
However…….I know……that……I……need…to…surrender! Otherwise, I’ll go crazy out here in this hot desert. ;0)
It’s funny because I’ll catch myself sitting around the hotel room in deep thought. I’m usually thinking about relocating back to New York City……..thinking about all the stuff I need to do and then suddenly I’ll get EXTREMELY anxious, sad, angry, or irritated. Ugh….it’s the worst. But I’m smart enough to know what’s happening inside my head. Emotions are simply thoughts in motion. Therefore, I’m trying to change the way I look at things….so that the things I look at change (Wayne Dyer). BUT that damn EGO of mine is always trying to take control. Lol.
I’ve had to accept that I have no control over this exit process. On top of that, RAMADAN will take effect on June 28. Folks who are living in this part of the world already know what that means! You got it….EVERYTHING slows down or is shut down. So with Ramadan fast approaching…..I truly have no choice but to surrender and maybe even participate in the fast. I think it’ll do me some good. :0)
This is myTRUTHmyCLARITY! Consider these thoughts organized…. :8)